i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
