I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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