it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
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Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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