well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
