I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
