He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
