On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
