In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
