The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
