Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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