He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
