no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
