i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
