shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
