i don't plan on having that self control this summer
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
