Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i came on her dog
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
