We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
