he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
