I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
