please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
