Everything about him screamed your future.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
