In America we eat man semen.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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