someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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