dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We left an ass print on the piano.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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