WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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