I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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