I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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