does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
