If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
