I must be too annoying 4 u.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
