I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
