thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
