I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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