I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
