Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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