Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I did not marry a roomba.
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