you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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