Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
