On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
