can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
