you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
that may or may not have been my penis.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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