This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
