1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
