A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
