Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
