Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
