remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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