guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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