FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
