Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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