Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
