I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
