i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
