My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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