You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
did i just pee glitter
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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