You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
