Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
