It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
