my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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