I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
