My room smells like vodka and shame
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
