I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
