forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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