Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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