Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
