i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
