i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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