I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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