Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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